Losing sex drive after having children is one of the most common topics no one talks about. It's not just hormones — it's the body, identity, the relationship, and the nervous system. This quiz helps you understand where you are.
No judgment. Just honesty.
More about this quiz
Written by Andrea Leijon, Founder of Temple
Loss of sexual desire after having children is one of the most universal and least discussed postpartum experiences. Research suggests 30–50% of new parents report significant changes to sexual desire in the first year, with many reporting changes that persist well beyond. The causes are biological (prolactin from breastfeeding suppresses oestrogen and testosterone; cortisol from sleep deprivation suppresses libido), psychological (identity shift, body image, touched-out sensation), and relational (changed couple dynamics, resentment around labour division). Most people blame themselves or their partners. Almost always, the culprit is the intersection of physiology and circumstances — not the relationship. This quiz helps you identify your specific combination.
The research in numbers
What you'll discover
Key concepts
Touched out
A state of nervous system saturation from excessive physical contact — most common in breastfeeding mothers and parents of young children who are physically held, touched, and climbed on throughout the day. The nervous system's capacity for comfortable touch is finite. When saturated, additional touch — including sexual touch — feels aversive rather than pleasurable.
Postpartum hormonal transition
The hormonal shift following childbirth — characterised by dramatically falling oestrogen and progesterone after delivery, high prolactin (especially during breastfeeding), and reduced testosterone. Creates a physiological environment that strongly suppresses sexual desire, arousal, and genital sensitivity in most women regardless of relationship quality.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel 'touched out' and have no interest in sex?
Extremely common — particularly for breastfeeding mothers. Physical touch from a baby or child all day can saturate the nervous system's capacity for touch, leaving no appetite for more. This is not a sign that you don't love your partner. It's physiological.
How long does low libido last after having children?
It varies widely. Some people find desire returns within months of stopping breastfeeding. Others find it takes years, particularly if the underlying causes (sleep deprivation, unresolved resentment, identity shift) are not addressed. This quiz helps identify what's most likely in your case.
Does breastfeeding directly affect sexual desire?
Yes, significantly. Prolactin — the hormone that drives milk production — suppresses both oestrogen and testosterone, producing hormonal conditions similar to menopause. Many breastfeeding women also experience vaginal dryness and reduced genital sensitivity. These are physiological effects, not signs of relationship problems or lost attraction.
What does the non-breastfeeding partner need to understand?
That low desire postpartum is almost never about attraction, love, or relationship quality. It's driven by hormonal shifts, physical depletion, sleep deprivation, and a complete restructuring of identity and daily life. Partners who understand this tend to stop interpreting the gap as rejection, which itself reduces pressure and helps desire return faster.
How does resentment affect desire after having children?
Research consistently shows that unequal division of childcare and household labour is a primary driver of sustained low desire in new mothers — more predictive than hormonal factors over time. When one partner carries disproportionate mental and physical load, desire becomes blocked by accumulated resentment. Addressing the labour division often produces faster improvements in desire than any sexual intervention.
Is it okay to not want sex for months after having a baby?
Yes. There are no medically or psychologically mandated timelines for resuming sexual activity after childbirth beyond the basic physical healing period. The cultural pressure to 'get back to normal' quickly is real but unsupported by research. Many couples find that the transition to parenthood is a legitimate pause in their sexual relationship, not a problem requiring urgent solving.
How do I reconnect with my body after childbirth?
Research-backed approaches include: non-sexual touch that isn't goal-oriented (rebuilding body comfort without performance pressure), solo exploration to understand how your body has changed, addressing physical discomfort (including vaginal dryness or scar tissue) with medical support, and creating clear protected time that is genuinely separate from parenting demands.
Can identity shift after becoming a parent affect sexual desire?
Yes and substantially. The transition to parenthood involves a fundamental restructuring of identity — who you are, how you inhabit your body, and how you relate to your sexuality. Many new mothers describe feeling that their body now belongs to their baby rather than to themselves. Reclaiming a sexual self alongside a parenting self is a genuine psychological process that takes time and often active attention.
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Based on research from the Journal of Sexual Medicine on postpartum sexuality, and research on breastfeeding's hormonal effects on libido from Prolactin and Oestrogen suppression studies.