About this question
Written by Andrea Leijon, Founder of Temple
There is a biochemical war happening inside many women's bodies during menopause — and most of them don't know it. On one side: the hormones of desire (oestrogen, testosterone, oxytocin). On the other: cortisol, the primary stress hormone. These systems share receptors and compete for the same biological resources. When cortisol is chronically elevated — from work pressure, family demands, the mental load of daily life — the body's capacity to prioritise desire is systematically suppressed. Menopause makes this worse, not just because oestrogen is already falling, but because the hormonal fluctuations of perimenopause are themselves a stress on the system.
Cortisol and testosterone are both produced from the same precursor molecule, DHEA. When the adrenal glands are chronically stimulated by stress, they prioritise cortisol production — and testosterone synthesis declines. Research by Cumming, Quigley & Yen (1983) established this competition decades ago. For women in menopause, who are already experiencing a natural decline in testosterone, chronic stress compounds the deficit. The result is not just low desire — it is a body that has genuinely reduced its capacity for sexual motivation at the hormonal level. This is not a mindset problem. It is a biochemistry problem that responds to physiological solutions.
"The body that never rests never desires. Cortisol is not the enemy — but it was never designed to be your permanent state."
Acute stress and chronic fatigue operate differently, but they share a common endpoint for desire. Polyvagal theory, developed by Stephen Porges (2011), describes three states of the autonomic nervous system. The ventral vagal state — safety, connection, play — is where desire lives. Chronic stress and fatigue push the system into sympathetic activation (fight or flight) or dorsal vagal shutdown (conservation, numbness). The chronically fatigued woman is often in dorsal vagal territory: not anxious, but flat. Not avoidant, but simply without the energy that desire requires. Nervous system regulation work — specifically practices that move the system back into ventral vagal — is the most direct intervention available. Breathing, slow movement, time in nature, and physical safety all shift the system. Willpower does not.
The advice to 'reduce stress' is almost universally given and almost universally useless on its own — because it treats stress as an event rather than a physiological state. What actually moves the needle is building nervous system resilience: training the body to return to ventral vagal more quickly after stress activation. In Temple, we work with this through a combination of somatic practices (body-based, not talk-based) and an understanding of which specific stressors are activating the cortisol-testosterone competition most in your system. The goal is not zero stress. It is a nervous system that recovers.
The research in numbers
Frequently asked questions
Why does stress kill sex drive?
Cortisol (the primary stress hormone) competes directly with testosterone for production resources, and activates the sympathetic nervous system — both of which suppress desire. The body prioritises survival functions over reproductive ones when under sustained threat.
Can reducing stress actually improve my sex drive in menopause?
Yes, meaningfully — particularly if chronic stress is a significant factor. The most effective approach combines physiological stress reduction (nervous system regulation practices) with addressing the specific stressors that are most activating your system.
What is the difference between stress and chronic fatigue in terms of sex drive?
Acute stress activates fight-or-flight (sympathetic nervous system), which is incompatible with desire. Chronic fatigue often activates dorsal vagal shutdown — a different nervous system state characterised by flatness and energy conservation. Both suppress desire, but they feel different and respond to different interventions.
My stress is unavoidable right now. Is there anything I can do for my sex drive?
Yes. Nervous system regulation practices — particularly slow, deliberate breathing and non-goal-oriented touch — can shift the body into ventral vagal even within a stressful life. Small doses of safety signal a lot to the nervous system. You do not have to resolve the stress completely to create windows for desire.
Is my low sex drive from stress or from menopause?
Often both — and they compound each other. Menopausal hormonal changes lower the baseline for desire, and chronic stress further depletes it. The combined effect is greater than either alone. Addressing both simultaneously is more effective than treating them sequentially.
Related articles
Sources: Cumming, D.C., Quigley, M.E. & Yen, S.S.C. (1983). Acute suppression of circulating testosterone levels by cortisol in men. Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, 57(3), 671–673. · Porges, S.W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory. W.W. Norton. · van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Viking.